| (no commentary about my French, it's been many months....) |
[02 Jan 2005|02:06am] |
tu m'as aimé
mais c'est fini
aujourd'hui (pour le premiere temps)
et chaque jour
je vais me souvenir
ta voix
tes yeux
ta bouche
et mon coeur
quand je t'ai dit au revoir
parce que j'ai besoin de quelque chose different
je ne peux pas respirer
et penser non plus
c'est tout pour toi
et je veux vivre encore.
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[02 Jan 2005|01:24am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 sick |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
tori amos - love song |
] |
angels dance in your head,
so you know you've gone too far...
your boyfriend left you a note
and your best friend won't answer the phone
devils sing hymns by your bedside
terra est mortuum
if you change the words
they still mean heartbreak
because you can't stop crying
and the wrong men can't stop loving you.
your whole life
men loved you a little too much
and now you can't love enough
quero interere
you drown in his words
it doesn't matter what the language
you drown and he just left a note
so angels dance and
devils sing hymns
and you can't find any prayers.
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[11 Oct 2004|12:40am] |
boom boom two pulls of the trigger
boom boom there goes my sanity
boom boom i'll take you down with me
boom boom -
there goes the rest of my life.
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[27 Jun 2004|05:29pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 exhausted |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
atc - all around the world |
] |
Your words lack value.
Everything I am to you,
it's nothing of substance.
He's writing my history on the wall,
I say Boy you got lots to learn.
He smiles and just whispers, I won't be here
much longer.
You sit across the apartment,
wearing another promise.
.....................
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[05 Jun 2004|12:28am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
insane |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
dave matthews - gravedigger (acoustic) |
] |
I'm not sure I can beat it this time.
demons fight over my heart
and I'm looking for just one more angel.
you wait for me all night
but I can't burden you with this again.
I'm beating away monsters in my mind
and the leaves are turning black.
black leaves aren't in season,
so they're not even trees at all.
this is not like the time before.
and you walk right by me -
but even my own shadow ceases to exist.
I try to scream but fear cuts my voice.
now exists a shell that embodies hatred -
anger, lies, and resentment.
a mind slowly starting to lose strength
and turning to an angle
it's never seen before.
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[31 Jan 2004|05:33am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 tired |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
tracy chapman - telling stories |
] |
she enshrouds herself -
a glass barrier that
trembles when she speaks.
he touches her and the glass breaks
(but just for a moment).
just this time - her heart may become
everything she saw in him.
just for a moment, she may be
confident. she could be whole
for a few seconds of this day
in a life that never stops dragging on.
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| there is fiction in the space between you and me....... |
[31 Jan 2004|03:05am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
sick |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
tracy chapman - telling stories |
] |
I know I sound just like my father. Is it wrong for me to wonder - is all that I say what I feel or is it everything he told me disguised as the voice of a girl who lives her entire life as if it's already been lived?
I know I look just like my mother. It just doesn’t feel right that I am living to be everything she meant to be.
I know my brother was supposed to be the one to survive, not me. I live trying to make up for his death - I play this game ’til there’s nothing left.
My words are that of my father; my eyes belong to my mother; and my guilt I earned from surviving my brother. Fiction levels in my blood are high and it pumps through me. I breathe in the consequences of being born in fiction. My memories echo fiction and my family whispers fiction. I am the outcome of everything that is not real. My blood is far too strong; my fiction is my disease.
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| never look back at all the damage we have done now to each other..... |
[10 Jan 2004|06:10pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 anxious |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
third eye blind - blinded |
] |
your emotions are hard to deny
but to be honest
so are mine
but you tell me nothing.
you play your guitar
sitting on the brick wall
that divides our town
and I always had dreams
of you teaching me to play
at 4am with your father banging on
the wall
on no the devil's got a hold of your heart
so I never hear your guitar
anymore.
(only when I sleep)
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[30 Dec 2003|09:54pm] |
je peux changer pour toi
je peux changer tout ca
ton amour - c'est rien
mais mon amour pour toi
c'est tout ma vie
si je change pour toi
vas-tu changer ton amour pour moi?
(I know my French sucks. But that's ok... it's the thought that counts)
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| there's reason to believe maybe this year will be better than the last... |
[28 Nov 2003|07:53pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
lonely |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
A Long December - Counting Crows |
] |
who are you to say
in the shallow depths
of your voice
that your place is
my heart when
your place is
never
good
enough?
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[14 Oct 2003|12:30am] |
even in the dark
light can chase you.
blood trickles like
the voice you hear -
it takes just a moment.
a moment for your heart
to fly into fear -
a moment for it to
come pouncing back.
(that night sleeps beneath your skin
waiting to make its appearance)
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| Don't believe me, don't you dare believe me... |
[08 Oct 2003|12:14am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
sleepy |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Why Georgia - John Mayer |
] |
if there's a stain in my heart
it's from the ones before you
if you whisper your intentions
in my ear - I think it's real
because I've never felt it before.
if you notice the scar on my thigh
it's because others have hurt me before
and I'll hurt you
if you give me another bruise.
don't tell me how much you want me
and how you want me
my heart skips a beat and
my blood starts to jump
if you see me back away
when you go to touch me
it's not that I don't want you
it's just - - - how much do you want me?
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[01 Oct 2003|11:07pm] |
rest peacefully, my dear
for love does not touch me
it does not move me
a girl standing in
the bright lights of Vegas
her shadow hiding in
the uncertainty of
the moon the lights
glisten in her eyes
and RED is the reflection.
she knows her target
and her targets soul
will never be touched
by love again after
loving her.
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| blue are the feelings that live inside me.... |
[28 Sep 2003|10:18pm] |
in my head you whisper all the time
it's my fault and
you always knew
i'm wrong in everything i do
the red and blue i see the same
as that day
red for hot
and blue for cold
get it right darling
because you'll see it again
over and over again
in your head
i'll whisper
every time you see the red and blue
red for hot
and blue for cold
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[15 Sep 2003|12:00am] |
memories of you start to fade
and you seem further and further away.
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| Je ne peux pas vivre sans toi.... |
[23 Aug 2003|12:18am] |
One of the more bizarre things I've written....
Conscious breathing
I lie to you.
J’ai peur.
C’est vrai, ton amour?
Fading to black,
you will never see me
in this light again.
So close your eyes and take
a photograph.
C’est dommage.
Our love fell through.
But Rome
stood standing.
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[22 Aug 2003|09:25pm] |
They can't
Erase you
Don't let them
Break you.
The flower
that grows in
the garden of
vengence and anger
looks as pretty
and knows how to
put up a fight.
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[21 Aug 2003|12:05am] |
in I breathe
and out I love
you
are nowhere to be found
but I am still
w r a p p e d around you
intertwined
but you have already
looked to the skies
and said goodbye
without another glance.
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[16 Aug 2003|12:11pm] |
what she had
was not enough to bid
she left the lights on
as her lies hid.
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[15 Jul 2003|10:30pm] |
every room in every station everyone is ready and they look to us you look at me I`ve never seen kansas before....
I can not follow you tonight
for our lie has
become miniscule
and your eyes are
elsewhere
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